


Going Batty

by SgtLeppard



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a True Story, Bats, Gen, literally this happened, people swearing because college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 09:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8527525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SgtLeppard/pseuds/SgtLeppard
Summary: A bat has somehow managed to find its way into Valla Hall, and it's up to the residents to get it out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this was inspired by a similar event happening at Virginia Tech in O'Shaughnessy Hall. It was pointed out to me by a fellow Rockfic user named **NWesternRockAddict** and I found this situation too funny to not adapt Fates characters to
> 
> For anyone who wants to see this craziness, here's video [one](https://youtu.be/GCvczWl7JF4) and video [two](https://youtu.be/6U5f769CDXM)

"AHHH!"

Numerous people stepped outside of their doom rooms to find Oboro running down the hallway screaming.

"Yo, Oboro, what have you been smoking this time?" Hinata called.

"A bat!"

Hinata snickered. "You smoked a bat?"

"No, there's a bat in here!" she cried.

Leon, the dorm's RA, sighed and went over to her. "A bat?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "I don't know how it got in here, but it keeps following me around and freaking me out!"

"Holy shit!"

Everyone turned to find another student running the opposite way, several others snickering behind him. Something was following close behind him. Whatever it was clearly had wings. Eventually it turned around and flew back towards the group in the middle of the hallway.

"Oh fuck, it is a bat!" Keaton laughed.

Despite himself, Leon found himself chuckling as the bat continued to fly around the hallway, chasing several people around. Of all the wacky things that had happened in Valla Hall, this was definitely up there. Though he wasn't quite sure anything would top the slip 'n' slide incident a couple of years ago when he first moved there from Nohr Hall. How so many people could be a group of literal children astounded him, but he eventually got used to it.

Numerous critters tended to get into the building some way or another. Mostly it was crickets or lizards. One time a cat got in. But a bat? An actual bat? Leon was admittedly clueless. It was still funny though.

"This looks like a job for Batman!" Hinata shouted, dashing into his dorm room, only to emerge a moment later wearing a Batman mask and chasing after the intruding bat, inciting a round a laughter from most of the onlookers.

"Hinata, quit joking around and get that bat out of here!" Oboro screeched.

Keaton rolled his eyes. "Calm down with your bat phobia, girl. It's not like it's gonna hurt you."

"I don't care! It-- AH!" Oboro quickly ducked as the bat flew right over her head.

Takumi, having been asleep up until then, emerged from his own room, quite grumpy about the amount of noise going on. "Could you all shut the hell up!? This is the only day I don't have classes and I'd like to catch up on my sleep for once! It's too late for this shit!"

"We're sorry about that, Takumi," Leon giggled, "but there's a bat in the hallway."

Takumi raised an eyebrow. "The fuck?"

Oboro was clearly in panic mode. "A goddamn bat, Takumi! It's been following me for the past twenty minutes!"

Groaning, Takumi facepalmed. "Is this why everyone had to be loud and wake me up, or are you guys trying to punk me?"

"No," Inigo, a visiting resident of Ylisse Hall, spoke up, "there is literally a bat in here."

"If there is why don't I see-- WHAT THE FUCK!?" Takumi flailed about as the bat decided to fly over towards him and give him trouble. Several students took photos and began to film the entire thing. No doubt those recordings would be on YouTube later.

Leon burst out in laughter. "Now do you believe us?"

"Jesus fuck!" Takumi shouted just as the bat left. "How the hell did that get in here!?"

"Nobody knows, my dude," Keaton answered.

"Well, get rid of it!"

"How, though?"

Eventually the bat landed in the doorjamb for a set of doors in the middle of the hallway. Everyone carefully kept an eye on it to make sure it didn't move, but had no idea what else to do until Inigo came up and quickly trapped it with a trashcan. At least now they know it won't go anywhere. Leon pulled out his phone and called Xander to ask for his advice.

_"Leon?"_

"Hey, Xander. I wanted to ask for a little advice."

_"Sure, what is it?"_

"Well," Leon started, "remember when you helped Hinoka study for an exam in Hoshido Hall and a bird somehow got into the building?"

 _"Oh I remember that quite well,"_ Xander answered. _"Why, is there a bird in Valla Hall?"_

"Um, close. It's a bat."

_"A bat?"_

"Yeah, an actual bat. Looks like a fruit bat to me, but I didn't get a close look at it. We're trying to figure out how to get it out."

_"Well, where is it?"_

"Inigo's got it trapped in the doorjamb with a trashcan so it can't fly off anywhere, but we're not sure exactly what to do. That's why I called," Leon sheepishly admitted. "So what exactly did you do to get rid of the bird?"

Xander was silent for a moment. Likely he was trying to remember exactly what happened. _"Someone was going to call campus security or something to find a way to get it out of the building, but it flew off before anyone could get through to them."_

"So you have no idea except to call campus security?"

_"I wish I could be of more help to you, little brother."_

"It's alright. I'll go ahead and call them since it's not going anywhere anytime soon." After saying goodbye, Leon hung up and dialed the number for campus security. "Yes, this is Leon McCormick, the RA in Valla Hall. I'm calling because we have a bat in the hallway... No, sir, we're not sure how it got in here..."

While he continued to talk with campus security, the others thought of ways to get rid of the bat. Most suggestions were completely ludicrous and were definitely not going to work. There were some good suggestions, but after some discussion, they were quickly discarded.

"Can't you slide it onto the door and then shut the door?" Hinata asked.

"No, that wouldn't work," Takumi answered. "It would still be in the building."

"Oh, right."

"I've got a box!" Keaton offered. "Maybe if we can get it in here, I can take it outside and release it there."

Inigo turned his head towards him, keeping the trashcan firmly in place. "And just how are we going to get it in the box without it flying off the moment I move the bin?"

"Maybe another piece of cardboard?"

"Hmm, possibly. Someone find some cardboard!"

"Alright, thanks." Leon hung up, pocketing his phone. "So campus security said to just deal with it ourselves. Anyone have any ideas?"

Cyrus came up to the door with a piece of cardboard. "We're gonna try to get it in a box, but we first have to keep it in the trashcan or else the moment Inigo moves it, it's gonna fly off and we'll never catch it."

 _A sound idea,_ Leon thought. "Okay so, how...?"

"Maybe someone should get behind the door and poke it inside," Keaton suggested. "I volunteer Oboro as tribute."

Oboro punched his arm. "Asshole!"

"Calm down," Effie sighed. "I'll do it. Just make sure you don't close it too much or it might kill it."

Carefully, Inigo started to move the door to allow Effie to slide in while Cyrus prepared to move and trap the bat with the cardboard. Meanwhile, Oboro cowered behind Takumi and refused to move in case the bat got free again.

"Wait, shit, stop moving the door," Effie said. "It's just going to fly out the other side."

Well, damn. Cyrus slowly inserted the cardboard about an inch of the way in while everyone else contemplated their options.

"Is it in the can yet?" Oboro asked.

"I think it might be," Inigo answered. "If someone was on the other side of the door, we could tell, but I'm basically just guessing at this point."

"Careful, guys. Careful."

"Alright, slide it up, let's see what happens." Cyrus carefully slid the cardboard up further, making sure not to disturb the bat too much.

Inigo spoke quickly, "Cyrus, go. It's in the can, I can feel it."

Immediately, Cyrus slid the cardboard piece up all the way, effectively trapping the bat. He and Inigo slowly removed the trashcan and held the cardboard firmly across the top.

"Is it in?" Leon asked.

No bat on the doorjamb, not behind the door either. "Yep, it's in! We've got it!" Everyone around them began to hoop and clap for finally catching the bat. "Alright, careful! Move move move move move. Keaton!" Keaton followed after them as they moved the bat down the stairs. He went ahead of the group and opened the main double doors that led outside of the building. It was late at night, and only a few cars were passing by. As they all walked outside to watch the bat be released, Leon could see Xander and Ryouma standing outside of Nohr Hall, watching the entire scene.

"This is gonna be cool," Hinata beamed, still filming the entire thing on his camcorder.

"Let it be known," Leon spoke, "that I called security, they told me to handle it, and we did this, so... they can't bitch at us for it."

"Alright, how far away from the building should we let it go?" Inigo asked.

Effie pointed off a little ways. "Probably down that way," she said. "That would probably be a lot safer."

"Imagine," Hinata started as the group migrated down the direction that Effie pointed, "if when we let it go, it just attacks us all."

"Yeah, and bites us in the neck," Takumi added.

Oboro shot them her famous glare. "Would you two knock it the fuck off!?"

"Alright guys!" Cyrus called as he and Inigo slowly set the trashcan down. "We're gonna let it out now! Hinata, you catching this?"

"Oh, I'm getting every minute of it."

Inigo grabbed hold of the cardboard and quickly removed it, backing away to allow the bat to come out. The bat didn't move, so he turned the trashcan over to dump it out. "Yep, there it is!" A second later, the bat flew off to freedom. "There it goes."

"Watch it fly back in somehow."

"No."

"Whose trashcan is this?"

"I have no idea."

With the shenanigans now over, everyone began to head back inside, watching out for any other animals that would try to get in. Leon cast one last glance at Xander, who was now smiling, and began to chuckle as he walked back in. Just another day at Valla Hall.


End file.
